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Seeing a picture of myself always gives me that extra nudge needed to get back to my diet. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary so that included dressing up, going out and taking a picture. Let me tell you, I cannot stand seeing myself in pictures. Rarely do I take a nice picture. I am on the 17th week of a diabetes prevention program sponsored by my workplace. It is supposed to go for a year. I get an app on my phone to log meals, activities, communicate with our group and life coach (who also calls us once a week), a free (name brand) wrist step tracker, a free digital scale, and about every resource needed to help on a journey to eat healthier, become more active, and lose weight which would get me out of the pre-diabetes zone. I should have reached my goal weight and been ready to enter the maintenance phase. Nope. Instead I have done the same thing I have since third grade, watched the scale go up and down, up and down. I am a perfect example of Yo-yo dieting or weight cycling- the the repeated loss and gain of weight. I am a Lifer. This lifestyle wreaks havoc on your metabolism, slowing it way down.
On the Surface
In general, I eat a healthy diet with no processed foods and no animal products. I’m that person who hears about something helping you lose weight and I get it and run with it…EVERY SINGLE TIME. Chia seeds, hemp seeds, flax seeds, matcha tea, nettles tea https://amzn.to/3NGTFbl, dates, dark chocolate, apple cider vinegar, natural peanut butter, almond butter, brown rice, quinoa, olive oil, coconut oil, and ghee. I have it all and try to incorporate it into my diet. Those are the foods I log and talk to the health coach about. I have a smoothie with spinach, frozen fruit, Orgain Protein powder https://amzn.to/47l5o6I and Hemp hearts for breakfast every day. A teaspoon of ceremonial grade Matcha green tea https://amzn.to/3NEW86a is added for energy. Lunch is usually a green salad with vinaigrette or salmon packet and avocado if anything at all. For dinner I try to make something with vegetables and brown rice. But when evening rolls around, I eat until I am sick. It could be spoonfuls of natural peanut butter or old Halloween candy I found or dark chocolate chips. Ohh!!! Sometimes I get into my favorite granola bars Made Good Birthday Cake. But I eat two usually not a normal one serving. Despite all of the attention I give to nutritional foods normally, the binging is unhealthy.
But Diets Suck
My point is not to suffer and wish I had things, like something sweet during a diet. Why do I do it? I don’t know. Probably the same reason I eat a cream stick when I run to the store by myself or a pack of peanut butter pumpkins…and hide the wrapper. This behavior increases with stress, anger, sadness or any emotional situation I am dealing with. During happy occasions like Holidays, Birthdays or any get-togethers the first thing I do is bring out the food …and more food! I was hoping this “Life Coach” could help me get to the bottom of it. She has a 20-minute limit for each call and a scripted list of questions to ask. I certainly do not discuss my “after-hours” eating with her.
The whys?
Sometimes I think my binge eating goes back to my childhood. My parents divorced when I was seven. My mother went to bed for two weeks and I learned how to cook eggs to feed my younger siblings when the Ho-Hos were gone. Mom decided to get up when my brother’s Kindergarten teacher and principal came to the door with a box of donated food.
Learned Behavior
Most of my growing up revolved around food or not having any. I remember a sitter feeding us rice and milk because that’s what we had. Regardless, I was the chubby kid. My mother had me on a diet at ten. She would give me this caramel square diet aid and a cup of tea before a meal. This was the ‘70s and I could tell you about any diet that has come along since. Cleveland Clinic diet, South Beach diet, Adkins Diet, Suzanne Sommers and don’t forget she had the Thigh Master, Keto, Bob from The Biggest Loser, Slimfast, Anna Nicole, and Trimspa “Baby.” I have tried them all. In between each I will convince myself being big is ‘not so bad.’ Then I am off the diet for awhile until I hear of another gimmick or fail safe way and it’s back on the Yo-yo.
It’s Not the Food I Need
But none of them can help the person in the closet shoving it in when no one is looking. If my parents would have stayed married, do you think I would still have these weight and diet issues? Could this be one more thing to blame on divorce or childhood trauma? Could the course my life took these 56 years fueled this addiction? I was obsessed with my children having enough food, obsessed with keeping the refrigerator and cupboards stuffed, all while dieting and eating. They say make your healthy eating habits a lifestyle. Yo-yo Dieting has been my lifestyle.
